Practical guide
Ask Before Adding Someone to a Private Group
Joining a group changes the audience for a person's presence and messages. Make the membership choice explicit before making the introduction.
A helpful introduction can still be a surprise
You may know two adults who share an interest and assume they would enjoy the same discussion group. That is a reason to offer an introduction, not to make the membership decision for them. Joining can reveal that a person participates in a particular community, even before they write a message. Imagine adding a quiet acquaintance to a weekend discussion because you enjoyed their public comment. They may appreciate the invitation while preferring not to appear in that group's member list.
Describe the audience before requesting a yes
Explain the group's purpose, approximate size and the kind of participation expected. Be honest about whether members know each other and whether the discussion is active or occasional. Do not promise technical privacy properties you have not checked. eSafety's consent guidance emphasizes informed choice; a person cannot make that choice well if the invitation hides the audience. A simple description allows someone to decline without having to join first, inspect the room and then leave under other members' attention.
Let each person control their introduction
If they agree to join, ask what name or description they want used for the introduction. Do not paste their personal message into the group as background material. For example, you can introduce a new member through the interest they chose to share, without explaining a private situation that originally brought you into contact. Existing members deserve the same consideration: check with them before exporting their conversation to a prospective participant. Good introductions share the agreed context, not the entire history behind it.
Make leaving ordinary rather than argumentative
People may change their minds after joining. Accept a departure without re-adding them, asking others to pressure them or demanding a public explanation. If the group has a genuine administrative need, handle that narrow issue through the agreed channel. As an organizer, a short norm about asking before adding or sharing conversation excerpts can prevent repeated misunderstandings. The practical lesson is that membership is an ongoing choice. Making that choice easy to accept, decline and end creates clearer expectations for everyone in the room.
Sources checked
Linked reference pages checked on 2026-09-09. Product details can change. No paid-membership test or sponsorship is implied.
eSafety Commissioner: informed consent ↗